


brown chicken, brown cow

by carpesoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Restaurant, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 08:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5199920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpesoo/pseuds/carpesoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sehun is a sex god. (his friends will tell you otherwise.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	brown chicken, brown cow

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for [](http://maknaerulez.livejournal.com/profile)[maknaerulez](http://maknaerulez.livejournal.com/)

“hello? earth to sehun?” baekhyun snaps his fingers, inches away from sehun’s face.

sehun’s jaw slackens, unable to construct actual words into a sentence. “guhhh.”

kyungsoo tuts in disapproval and places his hand under the boy’s chin, pushing up to close his mouth. “don’t leave your mouth hanging open like that, sehun. we’re in public, it’s uncouth.”

sehun turns to face the group, blinking at his friends several times. “wait, what? what did i miss? who’s uncool?” he asks distractedly, turning his body again, his gaze shifting away from the others.

“uncouth,” kyungsoo repeats, shaking his head..

“what are you looking at, sehun?” baekhyun asks, following the other’s line of sight. “or maybe i should ask, _who_ are you looking at?” baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows.

chanyeol and jongdae cough exaggeratedly, the former relentlessly poking sehun in the ribs. “so tell us, little sehunnie, which one of the waiters over there tickles your pickle?” chanyeol, enquires with a toothy grin.

“yeah, sure. sounds good to me,” sehun responds, his attention still preoccupied with the group of waiters gathered several tables away.

kyungsoo rolls his eyes and picks up the menu from the tabletop. “i give up, just leave him be.”

chanyeol waves his hand in front of sehun’s face, an effort to regain the youngest’s attention. however, his attempts are all in vain, sehun’s face still remains aligned in the direction of the wait staff and his back to chanyeol. seeing an opening to play a prank, jongdae grabs the salt dispenser from the table and begins furiously shaking the plastic container, depositing salt granules all over sehun’s menu.

baekhyun begins to cackle loudly at jongdae’s practical joke, encouraging the latter to jerk his hand more vigorously. “oh my god, jongdae. you look like you’re giving that salt shaker a handjob,” baekhyun bellows as he tilts his head back, roaring with laughter.

“you would know, wouldn’t you? seeing as the only action you get is from your own hand!” jongdae shoots back.

“buuuuuurn!” chanyeol adds, adding fuel to the fire. he laughs uncontrollably; limbs flailing and eyes twitching.

baekhyun, not backing down from the insult, grabs the pepper shaker and begins to flick the container at his friend. “take that! and you, you wanna know what a real burn feels like? how about i grab the chilli flakes and rub it into your eyes, huh?” he threatens as his hand hovers over the other dispenser.

“you wouldn’t dare!” chanyeol takes a preemptive strike and grabs the ketchup and mayonnaise bottles, flicks the caps open, poised and ready to squeeze should baekhyun follow through on his threat.

“oh my god, you guys are supposed to be the hyungs. what kind of example are you setting for sehun?” kyungsoo clicks his tongue in disapproval.

“he’s not even paying attention, he’s too busy getting a hard on for—” baekhyun is cut off by jongdae forcing his mouth open and chanyeol squeezing a generous helping of ketchup into it. the male splutters as he swallows the tomato sauce, banging his fist against the table. “you shits know how much i hate ketchup!”

the loud racket disturbs sehun from his attempt to eavesdrop. he throws an arm behind him, swatting the air. “keep it down!” he hushes the group, gaze still locked and loaded onto his target.

“whose pants are you trying to get into?” jongdae asks, settling down after evading baekhyun’s effort to clobber him. “maybe we can help you?”

sehun whips his body to face the group, his brows furrowed in a deep scowl. “just gimme a second, please?” he pleads desperately. he’s ready to bust out some gwiyomi aegyo moves if it gets them to keep their traps shut.

“come on guys, let’s just keep it down and mull over what we’re going to order,” kyungsoo pipes up, trying to mediate the situation.

“thanks, soo hyung.” sehun shoots kyungsoo a smile of appreciation before turning back to the staff across the room.

sehun and his group of friends—baekhyun, jongdae, chanyeol, and kyungsoo—are escorted to their regular table by the window immediately. they would usually have had to wait at least twenty minutes for their spot to become available without calling in advance. kyungsoo had gotten fed up with always having to be the one to book their table—no one else could be bothered or would conveniently forget—and gave up months ago. sehun is surprised to find the restaurant unexpectedly empty during the dinner rush. with only a few patrons scattered throughout the restaurant the waiters had time to congregate around the ‘water cooler,’ gossiping about who knows what, as opposed to their usual mad dashes to fetch plates and take orders.

‘exology’ isn’t a particularly fancy restaurant but it still manages to attract a decent clientele due to its appealing qualities: an affordable menu and top notch service. it’s those qualities that the restaurant become a regular destination for whenever sehun and his friends scheduled dinner plans. the ridiculously handsome wait staff probably played a role too, let’s face it, who doesn’t like a bit of sweet eye candy to go with their meal? sehun sure as hell likes it and has had his eye on one waiter in particular for a while now.

jongin. kim jongin.

sehun has observed many things about the waiter during his frequent visits. the first was his endearing crescent eye smile and warm hearty laughs. sehun began to discover other habits bit by bit, such as his tendency to affectionately slap the unfortunate person closest to him whenever he finds something extremely amusing. or the way he glides across the open space, so full of grace, as if he were a ballet dancer.

he can’t pinpoint the exact moment he fell for the waiter’s charms, but there’s one thing he can be certain of; oh sehun has a big fat crush on one kim jongin.

sehun watches the waiter and catches him playing rock, paper, scissors with his colleagues for reasons unknown. sehun questions if this is really the way the waiters choose to kill time around here and how utterly tragic it is if that were the case. he hears the other two waiters cheer and whoop as they high five each other, while jongin buries his face in his hands. sehun concludes that jongin must've lost the game, his reaction to the defeat is too adorable for sehun to articulate. instead, he grins at the spectacle and continues to spy on the waiter in silence, not caring one bit that he's exhibiting asocial behaviour whilst in the presence of friends.

“oh please! porn doesn’t count, 1080p or otherwise!” chanyeol yells at jongdae, snapping sehun out of his trance.

“what’s going on?” sehun questions, unable to fathom the current topic of conversation. did chanyeol just say something about porn? sehun must’ve misheard him, though on second thoughts, it _is_ chanyeol we’re talking about and it really wouldn’t surprise him if chanyeol discussed his porn preferences with anyone, stranger or otherwise. he would go as far as to say that chanyeol would probably feel no shame in revealing to his grandma exactly how many hours a week he indulged in watching explicit videos.

kyungsoo sighs in exasperation, his patience levels clearly running low. “the idiots are arguing over who has the most game.”

true to kyungsoo’s words, sehun watches as the other three squabble over who has the best pick up lines and who can score the most dates. “guys,” he interrupts the heated debate, “this isn’t even worth arguing about. the answer is pretty damn obvious.”

“finally! someone’s speaking sense,” chanyeol announces, giving sehun a good hard whack on the back, the sound resonating across the table, before resting an arm on his shoulder. sehun grimaces in pain and shoves the unsuspecting chanyeol off him. “hey!” he protests.

sehun ignores the his friend and resumes expressing his opinion on the matter at hand, “we all know that it’s me.”

“what’s you?” baekhyun and jongdae ask in unison with curious eyes.

“i’m the sex god,” sehun clarifies with a straight face.

jongdae and baekhyun look at each other before bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. chanyeol joins in and clutches his stomach as he wheezes, gasping for air. much to sehun’s shock and horror, kyungsoo is also giggling, albeit more discreetly than the others, but it doesn’t make the betrayal hurt any less.

he’d expected the reaction from the three stooges but not from his trusted hyung and the cut runs deep. “et tu, kyungsoo hyung? et tu?” sehun sighs, shaking his head in disbelief.

kyungsoo avoids eye contact, attempting to halt his laughter and failing miserably. “i’m sorry, sehunnie. but—”

“you?! a sex god?” baekhyun interjects, struggling to breathe as he gasps for air. “what have you been smoking, seriously?!”

“oh my god, don’t repeat it,” jongdae requests, holding his hands in the air. “the cringe is too strong. it physically hurts me.”

sehun reaches over and slaps the back of baekhyun’s head. “i swear to god, i will throttle you all if you don’t stop laughing! i wasn’t even trying to make a joke.”

“that’s what makes it so funny,” chanyeol says, wiping the tears from his eyes. “the fact that you were serious about it. oh my god, i cannot. man, that has got to be the best line, ever. effing gold.”

“stop teasing him, he’s about to cry.” kyungsoo reaches for sehun’s hand but the latter recoils before the former is able to establish physical contact.

“i’m not about to cry, thank you very much. i don’t need you fighting my battle for me,” sehun spits at kyungsoo. he doesn’t appreciate it when kyungsoo coddles him like a child. it’s not like he’s that much older anyway, he’s only one year his senior.

“aww, is little sehunnie a big boy now?” jongdae coos patronisingly.

“well, i’m crying. i can’t remember the last time i laughed this hard. thanks, bruh.” chanyeol raises a clenched fist and leaves his arm extended. “don’t leave me hanging, jongdae. come on, braaaaaah.” he smiles with satisfaction when jongdae finally concedes and fistbumps him. "sweeeet."

"you think it's hilarious when i say i'm a sex god, yet you've got this loser here begging for a fistbump," sehun mutters bitterly under his breath.

"don't hate, appreciate," chanyeol laughs as he grabs sehun by the shoulders and gives him a little shake.

jongdae reaches out for chanyeol's hand, moulds it into a balled fist and knocks his own against it.

"what was that all about?" chanyeol asks in confusion.

"i had to take back my fistbump."

"what, whyyyy?" chanyeol whines as he attempts to grab jongdae's hand to coerce him into giving back the bump.

"okay, i think it's fair to say that _i'm_ the only one who has any game, yo," baekhyun announces as he shakes his head at Chanyeol and Jongdae, his lips pursed in judgment.

"I. AM. A. SEX GOD!" sehun screeches, his voice several octaves higher than usual, startling the group. "and baek hyung, don't you even deny it. you grab my arse at every opportunity because you get enough of this jiggly butt."

jongdae, chanyeol, and kyungsoo whip their heads to face the accused boy, their intense stares causing baekhyun to blush. "it’s just nice to squeeze, okay?" baekhyun whispers meekly.

"and he's not the only one who thinks so, i know y'all tell me to walk on ahead so you can check out my booty." sehun folds his arms and huffs in indignation.

kyungsoo snorts. "please get over yourself, sehun. how conceited can you be?"

sehun exhales heavily and runs a hand through his hair. "look, how can i convince you that i'm the world's most prolific sex god?"

"you can stop referring to yourself as a 'sex god' for one thing. bragging about your self proclaimed sex god status isn't exactly impressive," kyungsoo remarks.

“pictures or it never happened!” jongdae chimes in.

kyungsoo continues, ignoring jongdae. "if someone vouches, then _maybe_ , i’ll consider it. though, it does go without saying that you're not allowed to bribe or coerce anyone into testifying for you."

"how about i demonstrate for you guys? will you believe me then?"

the group look at each other. "do go on," baekhyun encourages.

"i'll work my sex god magic on our waiter." sehun proposes. he cracks his knuckles before breathing into his palm and sniffing it. he nods in satisfaction that his breath doesn’t reek of any foul odours.

"sounds like a plan, i wonder which waiter will be serving us tonight?" jongdae ponders. "the one who looks like he's ten years old but is apparently older than all of us? the dude who won't quit with all the dad jokes and puns, despite our subtle hints for him to stop, or the really sexy guy who exudes sex? now, _he_ is the definition of sex god. you could learn a thing or two from him, sehun-ah."

"agreed." chanyeol sighs dreamily as he ogles the waiter, practically undressing him with his eyes. kyungsoo jabs an elbow into his sides.

"well, lucky for us then, he's going to be our server today," sehun voices his prediction, the reason behind the rock, paper, scissors game becoming apparent to him.

kyungsoo cocks his head at sehun. "how would you know that?"

"don't tell me," baekhyun cuts in, "are you a psychic sex god?"

"no..." sehun gives baekhyun the finger. "...he lost to the other two in a game of rock, paper, scissors. i think they were playing to see who would have to wait on us."

"we're not that bad, are we?" chanyeol asks whilst tearing his napkin into shreds, littering the table.

kyungsoo tuts as he swats chanyeol's hands away. he bundles the scraps into a ball and stuffs them into chanyeol’s jacket pocket. "stop that! this is exactly why they groan whenever they see us coming."

"they wish they could see us _coming_." baekhyun wriggles his eyebrows as he over enunciates the last word. the guy just couldn’t resist a sexual innuendo, whenever and wherever the opportunity arose.

kyungsoo rolls his eyes for the umpteenth time. "i have no idea why i'm still friends with you morons." he glances up and noticed the graceful waiter approaching the table. "sehun was right though, the sexy waiter is coming over. everyone be on their best behaviour.” his gaze hones in on its target. “especially you, park chanyeol."

chanyeol clutches his chest in mock offense. "i'm outraged at the implication that i'm the troublemaker of the group."

sehun ignores the bickering between the two as he catches a glimpse of jongin in his peripheral vision. he side eyes the waiter as he draws close, trying not to overtly leer as he drinks in the male's admirable physique. his breath hitches when jongin arrives at their table, his beauty literally taking sehun's breath away.

“hi, my name is jongin and i’ll be your waiter for this evening. may i take your drink order? and your food order if you’re ready.” jongin beams a warm smile. sehun feels his stomach flip and it has nothing to do with his hunger pangs. jongin is even more handsome up close, and sehun bets that he smells just as good as he looks.

inhaling deeply in an attempt to catch a whiff of the waiter’s scent, sehun lifts the menu from the table, the salt from jongdae’s earlier attack spilling onto his lap. “what the?” he splutters in confusion.

chanyeol and jongdae high five each other and baekhyun comments, “er, looks like you’ve got some white stuff around your crotch area, sehun-ah. do you need a moment in the little boy’s room to clean your little accident up? or maybe you’d like one of us to help you.”

jongin observes sehun and asks with a raised eyebrow, “is that salt? how on earth did salt wind up there?”

sehun lets out an awkward laugh, or rather an attempt at a laugh, sounding more like a sheep giving birth.

“i think he’s trying to seduce you,” baekhyun informs the waiter. “that’s his sex face right there.” sehun kicks baekhyun in the shin. hard. “oww! what was that for?!” he winces as he reaches under the table to rub at his bruised leg.

“dude, that’s my crotch you’re touching!” jongdae exclaims, jumping up from his seat.

“oops, my bad,” baekhyun apologises with a mischievous grin.

chanyeol looks at his two friends with a smirk on his face and kyungsoo hides behind a menu, wishing he had never agreed to their dinner plans.

“so, i take it you guys aren’t ready to order yet?” jongin asks, putting his notepad and pen back into his apron.

“give us a moment, please. sex god here...” chanyeol points to sehun, “...needs some time to decide. being a sex god can be oh so distracting. i’m sure you would know all about that, wouldn’t you?”

kyungsoo slams his face onto the table. “for the love of god, stop saying ‘sex god’ to the waiter! you guys are so embarrassing, i’m never going out with you in public again!”

waiting for kyungsoo to finish banging his head against the table, sehun greets the waiter. “hi, jongin. i’m ready to order.”

jongin retrieves the notepad and pen, ready to jot down sehun’s meal choice.

sehun chews his on his bottom lip for a few seconds before continuing. “is it possible to order off the menu?”

“i would need ask the chef first, but if we have the ingredients to fulfill the request, then i don’t envision a problem.”

“can i order you?”

“e-excuse me?” the waiter splutters, flustered by the request.

kyungsoo’s face and the table meet again with a loud thud and the other three struggle to contain their snickering. ignoring the others, sehun repeats the question, “can i order you, please?”

“i don’t think adding ‘please’ is going to magically make him agree to the request, sehun. please, for the love of god, shut up and stop hitting on the waiter. now order properly or else i’ll force a muzzle on you whenever we’re out in public!” kyungsoo scolds the youngest of the group.

“how is he going to order if he’s supposed to shut up?” baekhyun quips, immediately shielding his face with his hands. one can never be too careful around do kyungsoo and his killer ninjutsu chokeholds. fortunately for mouthiest member of the group, he's sitting the furthest away from kyungsoo, which prevents him from lashing out at baekhyun (for now).

so instead of his usual violent attacks, kyungsoo settles for a menacing scowl. “yooooou. not another peep or else i’ll force a leash around your neck and tie you to a lamp post outside!”

“yeah, and the only food you’ll get to eat will be our scraps in a doggie bag. get it, doggie bag because it’s like you’re a dog!” chanyeol guffaws at his own joke.

jongin ignores the unruly antics and remains composed despite the creepy sexual overtures. “i can always give you some more time,” he starts, pausing when he hears his voice cracking. he clears his throat before continuing, “though i must add, you are unable to proposition me or any other members of the staff for that matter. any additional advances, implied or not, will result in the immediate ejection of your group. do i make myself clear?”

sehun dry swallows at jongin's stern response. shrinking in his seat, he apologises, “sorry. please forgive my earlier request. it was an attempt to break the ice which clearly went horribly awry.” sehun glances up and is greeted by jongin’s penetrating gaze, staring deep into his soul. the words die on his tongue, his brain replaced with thoughts of kim jongin instead. kim jongin’s brown eyes. kim jongin’s plump lips. sehun’s eyes shift lower down the waiter’s body and his tongue darts out involuntarily. kim jongin’s— “ow! what was that for?!” he complains, recovering from the swift kick to his shin. he glares at his friends, trying to determine the culprit behind the assault.

“so,” jongin prompts, his tone more cold and clipped, his agitation with the group creeping through. “should i give you guys another five minutes or so?”

“brown chicken, brown cow!” sehun blurts out suddenly. he closes his eyes with regret immediately after. he takes a shallow breath and exhales slowly. he knows he’s going to have to explain himself, he’s just not sure how to spin it without making it seem like he’s an extreme pervert, a loser with a lame sense of humour, socially inept, or all of the above.

“brown chicken, brown cow?” the waiter echoes in confusion.

“yeah, sehun-ah. brown chicken, brown cow? what is that?” chanyeol asks, his voice innocent and curious. sehun knows full well that chanyeol knows what it means, in fact, chanyeol was the one who introduced the term to the group.

if looks could kill, the current thorn in sehun’s side would be in a body bag and on its way to the morgue right about now. sehun can feel his nostrils flaring as the blood rushes to his face, no doubt leaving a crimson flush.

“is there something special about the brown chicken, brown cow?” baekhyun chimes in.

sehun growls lowly at the soon-to-be-former friend sitting opposite him. the question of whether he should go on the hunt for new friends comes to his mind unbidden. his best friend of the group, kyungsoo, might be able to make the cut. but the rest, the rest can go and sehun would feel no regret.

“sehun sure likes the brown chicken, brown cow, doesn’t he?” kyungsoo deadpans from the other side of the table.

sehun retracts his last thought, do kyungsoo is the worst of them all. lulling him into a false sense of security and then stabbing him in the back when he least suspects it. it’s the _second_ time kyungsoo has betrayed him today. his adulation of his favourite hyung has been obliterated. the only person left is none other than jongdae and well… sehun looks over to the friend in question.

“yes, please give our little maknae here one hot steaming serving of brown chicken, brown cow.” jongdae lips curl into a devilish grin and before jongin has the opportunity to respond, the male begins to imitate the sounds of bed springs creaking.

yup, i’m done with the lot of them, sehun makes a mental note to ditch his friends as soon as the meal is over.

“is this an inside joke that i’m just not getting?” jongin eyes dart to his fellow wait staff, his comrades, his brothers in arms. the handsome one, kim junmyeon, feigns ignorance as he avoids jongin’s gaze and whistles a cheery tune to himself. the waiter who looks like he belongs in a day care centre, kim minseok, is conveniently nowhere in sight. jongin groans internally, a fake smile plastered on his face.

sehun laughs nervously. “er, brown chicken, brown cow. as in, bow chicka wow wow?” the last syllable is barely audible as sehun trails off, too embarrassed to speak up.

“bow chicka wow wow!” baekhyun, jongdae, and chanyeol chorus.

jongin remains silent, too speechless to articulate a response.

“er, i think we broke him.” baekhyun slowly inches an index finger to the waiter’s face, ready to poke him in the cheek.

sehun intervenes and bats away the instigator’s hand before one of the other waiters call the cops on them. “baek hyung, don’t touch the artwork!” he hisses.

“artwork?!” jongin splutters incredulously.

“if it’s any consolation, i think you’re priceless?” sehun replies meekly before laughing awkwardly.

“oh dear god, this is like a train wreck happening right before my eyes and yet i somehow can’t seem to look away.”

“i feel you, kyungsoo. the cringe is practically tangible,” jongdae remarks in agreement. the group remain frozen in horror.

“i’m going to give you guys some time. i’ll be back in five.” jongin informs the group, shaking his head as he backs away from the table slowly.

“that was brutal!” sehun collapses onto chanyeol’s shoulder once jongin is out of sight.

“there, there. it could happen to the best of us,” chanyeol consoles, running his hand through the sehun’s hair.

sehun has long been known for having a tendency to put his foot in his mouth, but he’s well and truly done it this time. his foot is so far up down this throat, his big toe is poking out of his butt hole. he groans loudly and taking a leaf out of kyungsoo’s book, he slams his head against the table. repeatedly. “why. does. this. always. happen. to. me?” he cries in self pity.

“still think you’re a sex god?” baekhyun asks sarcastically.

sehun’s response is delivered in the form of a wail.

“hey, it’s not that bad, sehun-ah. at least you weren’t escorted from the premises. that’s something, right?” jongdae points out.

“you’re right. as long as i haven’t been booted out of here, the game’s not over yet.” sehun nods his head, steeling his resolve. “i can do this. i can prove to you that i’m a certified…”

“don’t say it. please don’t say it,” kyungsoo pleads.

“... sex god!” sehun finishes confidently. “alright, you guys are cramping my style. it’s time for me to do this solo. han solo.”

“han solo? what does that even mean? what does star wars have to do with this?” jongdae questions, failing to establish the connection.

“sssh,” baekhyun whispers to jongdae. “don’t say anything and let him crash and burn. _again_.” baekhyun cackles in glee.

“you’re evil, byun baek. evil, i tells you,” jongdae tells him, resting his head on baekhyun’s shoulder.

“kim jongdae, that might have been the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me in the ten years that we’ve been friends,” baekhyun beams, subtly placing his hand over jongdae’s.

“don’t get used to it.”

the hand holding doesn’t go unnoticed by sehun. “i’d hate to interrupt your love confession, but i’ve got my own to make. now, if you’ll excuse me.” sehun pushes his chair back, causing everyone to grimace at the unpleasant scraping noise.

“you did that on purpose, you butthead.” kyungsoo shudders, his hands covering his ears.

sehun sticks out his tongue at his hyung before making his way across the room, swaying his hips sensually with each stride.

“look at him strut. yeah, shake what yo momma gave ya!” jongdae catcalls.

baekhyun sticks two fingers into his mouth, blowing a shrill whistle. “those, my friends, are the eighth and ninth wonder of the world. many a man hath tried to stick their mast into those glorious mounds but all have failed.”

“byunbaek, you're such an arse man,” chanyeol teases as he tries to sneakily rest his own head on kyungsoo’s shoulder, mirroring the two opposite them. unfortunately, kyungsoo has ninja quick reflexes and speedily shifts his shoulders, out of chanyeol’s reach.

“wait, arse space man or arse comma man?" kyungsoo asks, stretching his arms and hitting chanyeol in the face as he does so. “because punctuation makes all the difference. i, for one, concur with the latter.”

“that's not what you were saying last night, kyungsoo. you couldn't get enough of me, screaming high praises and all sorts!” baekhyun grabs the salt shaker and begins arduously sprinkling salt at kyungsoo.

kyungsoo scoffs as he ducks behind the menu for cover. “don't even joke about it, you're making me lose my appetite—”

“ssssh!” chanyeol interrupts, waving his arms to gesture everyone to hush. “sehun's talking to jongin. i wanna hear what they're saying.”

“they're all the way on the other side of the restaurant, chanyeol. i don't even think you’re able to hear them, even with those abnormally humongous ears of yours.” kyungsoo tugs onto one of the giant's ears for added emphasis.

“hey!” chanyeol protests, rubbing his sore ears. “what did my ears ever do to you?”

“everything. they block the screen when we’re watching—”

“pipe down!” chanyeol throws his menu at kyungsoo in frustration.

“you're the one making all the noise!” kyungsoo hisses back, still using his menu as a shield from oncoming onslaughts.

baekhyun’s arm is still flailing about, the salt shaker spraying its contents everywhere. jongdae snatches the shaker out of baekhyun’s grip and points at the youngest of their social circle. “let’s watch the ‘sex god’ in action.”

the group make no attempt to disguise their blatant gawking as they watch their friend engage with the hot waiter. unable to hear their conversation, baekhyun dubs the interaction. “did you come to hit on me again? was the first and second time not enough for you?” he rattles off in a shrill squeak. “uh, about that,” baekhyun continues in a deep gruff voice. “i deluded myself into thinking i was god’s gift to man but i know now that i was gravely mistaken.”

ignoring the others’ requests to quiet down, baekhyun clears his throat before proceeding. “don’t worry about it,” he resumes with the high pitched voice. “speaking of god’s gift to man, who’s your friend over there? the one with the cute mole above his upper lip.” baekhyun switches back to the low grumble, “who, baekhyun? he _is_ super pretty, isn’t he? with those adorable eyes and luscious lips, he’s like—”

jongdae covers baekhyun’s mouth to stop him from blowing his own trumpet any further. his outcry muffled, baekhyun resorts to sticking out his tongue, licking jongdae’s hand, which is withdrawn immediately. “ew man, that’s gross!” jongdae grabs a napkin to wipe off his friend’s saliva. “just so you know, when i peed just before leaving, i was too lazy to wash my hands.”

baekhyun’s eyes widen, horrified at the revelation. he grabs a napkin at lightning speed and wipes his tongue, his face contorted akin to a gargoyle’s.

“dude, just go to the bathroom and wash out your mouth,” kyungsoo advises, his face scrunched in disgust. “you don’t know what kind of diseases you might have contracted.”

“but i might miss the show,” the eldest wails, still furiously scrubbing his tongue.

“oh my god, did sehun just give the waiter his _phone_?!” chanyeol alerts the group.

“no shit! is hot waiter typing something?”

“dif he juff—” baekhyun removes the napkin from his mouth. “did sehun just ask for his number?”

“and hot waiter is actually giving it to him?! after what just happened?!”

“tell me the kid did not just pwn us.”

“sehun’s got game? really?!”

they watch on in silence, too dumbstruck to crack any jokes or remarks. even as sehun retrieves his phone from the waiter and makes his way back to the table, not a single one of them utters a peep.

sehun seats himself back down, his face void of any expression. “so are we all ready to order?” he asks nonchalantly, picking up a menu and browses through the options.

 

 

\---

 

 

“damn my crappy luck at rock, paper, scissors. i swear minseok hyung and junmyeon are in cahoots or something,” jongin mutters under his breath. “just remain professional and think of the tips. you can get through this without losing your shit. how many times have you served them before? you’ve got this, kim jongin. you’ve got this.”

jongin and his colleagues, junmyeon and minseok, have nicknamed the troublemakers he’s currently assigned to serve that evening as the ‘rowdy bunch,’ the customers from hell. they’re always a handful, with the strangest requests, and to make things worse, they’re lousy tippers. jongin wouldn’t have minded taking their flak had they been generous with their tokens of appreciation.

at least the restaurant isn’t packed, jongin attempts to look on the bright side, things could be worse. he scans the room to check if any of the diners require any assistance or refills. he hears a chair scrape across the floor followed by a wolf whistle. his eyes dart to the point of origin and catches the man with the thin noodle arms and pert butt has risen from his seat. he assumes that sehun, he’s heard the kid’s friends address him by that name, is making his way to the restroom but notices that he’s already passed the hallway leading to the facilities.

the waiter isn’t sure why the male is walking in his direction but as he closes in, jongin’s pretty sure that he’s walking towards _him_. puzzled as to why sehun would be approaching him, as opposed to gaining his attention by a raised hand or a wave, but if he’s being completely honest with himself, sehun intrigues him. sure, he did just pretty much humiliate himself in front of his friends with his mortifying attempt to… flirt? or at least jongin had presumed that was what the other was trying to do. there’s just something about sehun that was endearing to the waiter, despite his horrific seduction skills, or rather, lack thereof.

“hi, i’m sehun.” sehun rubs the back of his neck nervously. “i just wanted to apologise and i guess, explain what just happened back there?”

jongin notices that sehun actually has kind eyes, a twinkle behind them even. the waiter recalls the first encounter he had had with the other. his first impression had been that the other’s demeanour was quite cold, slightly menacing even due to his face almost always frowning. it was much to his surprise when he had found out that sehun was actually the youngest of his friends. jongin had incorrectly surmised sehun’s age based on his more mature appearance.

now with a bashful sehun standing in front of him, jongin observes that a more innocent childlike nature to the guy. “there’s no need for any explanations, sehun. i’ve heard worse, you should hear some of the things i’ve heard and witnessed on the job.”

jongin sees a wave of relief wash over sehun’s face. “oh really?” sehun laughs and jongin’s feels his heart skipping a beat. “as much as i’m glad to hear that i’m not your most dreadful customer, i’d still like to explain myself. i don’t know if you know how it feels being the youngest of the group,” sehun starts.

jongin glances at his hyungs, minseok and junmyeon. “i think i have an idea.”

sehun exhales softly. “they’re always belittling me and making me feel like i’m incapable.”

“i don’t think you did yourself any favours today,” jongin teases, chuckling softly.

sehun closes his eyes, his lips pouting. “i… that was—”

feeling pity for the other, jongin places a hand on the other’s arm. “let’s just forget the whole thing happened, hmm?” he suggests, giving sehun’s arm a squeeze.

sehun opens his mouth to respond, but the words die in his throat. a tongue pokes out from between his lips and runs along his lower lip. “er, i was wondering if you could do me a big favour? please?”

sehun’s timid personality throws jongin for a loop, his shy behaviour a complete contradiction to the macho bravado he had displayed in front of his companions. “well, that really depends on what it is you want me to do.”

sehun reaches for his phone from his jeans pocket and hands it over to jongin. “i want to prove something to the guys and you’d be doing me a huge solid if you were to give me your number.”

jongin is fully aware that he really shouldn’t be fraternising with a customer, but sehun really does pique his interest. debating on the next course of action, his slim finger hovers above the device’s touch screen.

noticing the waiter’s hesitation, sehun holds his hands up. “i mean, pretend to give me your number. just key in a fake number and pass me back the phone,” he splutters as he tries to clarify his request.

jongin nods his head slowly in understanding. “ah, i see. i got your back.” he keys in a string of digits and returns the phone back to the owner with a smile. “there you go.”

sehun’s smile of gratitude takes jongin’s breath away. “thank you so much! i’m going to, er, go back now. thanks again!” sehun offers the waiter a quick wave before sauntering back to his buddies.

“i wish i could see his face when he finds out,” jongin breathes to himself, grinning from ear to ear as he watches his friend grill him on what had just transpired.

 

 

\---

 

 

“i dare you to eat some mentos with a mouthful of cola.”

kyungsoo scrunches his face in displeasure. “i’m not going to do that, sehun,” he replies, shaking his head in assertion.

“oh, why not?” sehun whines. he leans closer to his hyung, batting his eyelids in an attempt to sway his hyung to change his mind.

“because i like my teeth, thank you very much. why don’t you ask one of the others? they might be stupid enough to actually do it.”

sehun raises one of kyungsoo’s arms and nuzzles into the nape of his neck and feels his body being drawn closer. he sighs contently as the latter takes one of sehun’s hands into his own, affectionately stroking his fingers. “hmm, maybe.”

chanyeol approaches the two currently on the couch and rather than taking a seat in the vacant spot beside sehun, he parks his butt directly in between, or on top rather, kyungsoo and sehun.

“hey!” sehun complains, shifting away from kyungsoo to accommodate the new arrival. “there was a perfectly good space next to me.”

“there was? i didn’t see, sorry.”

“dude, you’re crushing me,” kyungsoo groans as he shoves chanyeol off him.

“you don’t complain when sehun sits on you,” the lanky man points out, hurt that he’s not on the receiving end of the preferential treatment.

“yeah, that’s because i actually _like_ sehun. you’re all limbs and torso and just too long for your own good.”

chanyeol’s cheery expression vanishes, his good spirits crushed by kyungsoo’s harsh words. “i’m only a tiny bit taller than sehun,” he says, barely louder than a whisper.

“what is yeols crying about now?” baekhyun asks, sitting on the floor in front of the settee, by sehun’s legs.

jongdae enters the living room with a bowl of popcorn, one kernel already in between his lips and takes a seat beside baekhyun. “when is he _not_ crying?” he adds, speaking with his mouth full of popcorn.

“ew, say it, don’t spray it!” baekhyun pushes jongdae, sending the bowl of popcorn flying.

they all freeze, their eyes turn to kyungsoo whose gaze remains transfixed at the sight of the floor littered with buttery kernels. baekhyun clamps his teeth on his lower lips and gulps. “i-i brought beer?”

chanyeol swiftly tackles kyungsoo, covering his doe eyes with his large hands. “quick! clean it up before you let out the beast!”

sehun and jongdae jump up and dash to the kitchen, baekhyun already on his knees, sweeping up the popcorn with his bare hands.

“get off me, park chanyeol!” kyungsoo screams, arms and legs flailing in the air.

“hurry up! i can’t contain him for much longer!”

“we’re almost done!” jongdae reports, picking up the last stray kernels off the carpet. he quickly discards of the evidence and gestures for chanyeol to release the enraged little man.

chanyeol backs away from kyungsoo slowly, the latter immediately surges forward to scan the floor. he scrutinises the carpet for any residual stains and crumbs with an eagle eye. deeming the hasty clean up acceptable, he sinks back into the couch. “so, are we going to start this criminal minds marathon, or what?”

 

 

\---

 

 

“jongin, your phone keeps going off.”

jongin pats down his trousers instinctively. his brow furrows when he finds his pockets empty.

“you left it in the staff room,” junmyeon relays, clicking his tongue at the forgetful man. “you’re always leaving your phone places. you should be more careful. you’re lucky that minseok hyung found it on table seven yesterday, someone could’ve easily taken it.”

jongin bows his head. “thanks hyung, i’ll try.” he lightly jogs to the staff room to retrieve his phone. the device vibrates as soon as it’s in his hands and wonders who’s texting him. he unlocks his phone, and almost drops it in shock when he sees a red 99+ symbol on the upper right corner of the messages icon. curious, he presses the screen, opening up the app.

 

**unknown number**  
is this jonging?

**unknown number**  
jongin*

**unknown number**  
hot waiter duuude lik sett ma loinss on fire hottttttttttttttttt

**unknown number**  
hav u everr noticed ur name is alot loke joining

**unknown number**  
joining of bodayss??????

**unknown number**  
joing in me

**unknown number**  
omggggggg

**unknown number**  
hahahahahahahah

**unknown number**  
u hav a fubby name

**unknown number**  
itz sehun btww

**unknown number**  
sex god sehun****!!!!!!qqq

**unknown number**  
sehun thins u wud look gd witj ponk hair

**unknown number**  
i mean i thing u wud

**unknown number**  
pink &&&

**unknown number**  
goodamitty

 

jongin scrolls through the texts, working through them systematically, each message growing more and more incoherent. he can’t help but chuckle at the last message, it’s complete gibberish and he’s unable to make heads or tails of its intended meaning but it amuses him nonetheless.

 

**unknown number**  
hwiiwe eiasooas jaqoe ;)]] yeeesss???????

 

with the presumption that sehun was most likely inebriated when he’d sent them, jongin pockets the phone and exits the staff room, making his way back to the restaurant floor. it’s quite obvious that sehun is in no state to engage in any form of communication, jongin decides to bide his time and contact sehun the next day.

“he probably won’t even remember sending any of these, should be interesting,” jongin says quietly to himself, the smile showing no signs of relenting.

“is everything okay?” minseok asks the waiter. “you’re smiling to yourself, did something good happen?”

jongin winks at the male. “it's a secret to everybody.”

“what's a secret?” yixing, the restaurant’s sous chef creeps up behind out of nowhere, startling jongin.

“n-nothing, yixing hyung,” jongin stammers before fleeing the scene.

“i wonder what that was about?” yixing asks as he hands minseok a plate to be served to a patron.

minseok shrugs his shoulders. “it might have something to do with the person who's been texting him for the past couple of hours. his phone has been pinging non stop.” minseok grabs a french fry from the plate and pops it into his mouth.

“oh, i see.” yixing transfers more french fries onto the plate. “stop eating the customer's meal. if junmyeon catches you again—”

“yeah, yeah. i know.” minseok pinches another french fry before wiping his greasy fingers on his apron. “just let me know if you catch jongin smiling at his phone, okay?”

yixing glances at the waiter in question. “yeah, oka—”

“oh my god, did you just see that?” minseok exclaims with a mouthful of fries.

“what?” the cook follows minseok’s gaze.

“he just sneaked a peek at his phone and laughed to himself. we _need_ to find out who's been texting him! i'll grab junmyeon and get him up to speed. we just need to wait till he leaves his phone lying around again, which knowing him, we won't have to wait long.”

“what about his passcode lock?” yixing asks as the other beckons junmyeon over.

“don't worry about that, junmyeon caught him one time so he knows what it is.”

the two witness jongin take out his phone again, the biggest grin adorning his face. jongin looks up and realises that he's being watched. he quickly sets the phone down on the table and rushes off in a hurry, his face blushed crimson.

“bring jongin's phone!” minseok mouths to junmyeon. the waiter discreetly slips jongin's phone into his apron pocket before joining the two.

“so...” minseok gestures for junmyeon to hand over the phone. “...let's see who's behind our joinginnie's smiles.”

yixing snatches the phone from minseok’s small hands. “on second thoughts, i don’t think we should infringe on jongin’s privacy.”

“actually, i don’t think we should either,” junmyeon agrees.

minseok sighs with indignation. “fine, whatever. spoilsports.” he grabs the plate of half eaten fries and waves the two goodbye.

 

 

\---

 

 

“make it stop!” baekhyun groans, his hand swatting the closest ~~thing~~ person in proximity.

jongdae yelps out in pain, and gives baekhyun a good few whacks in retaliation. “hey! stop hitting me!”

the offensive racket continues to invade the room. “yah! what is that noise?” kyungsoo covers his ears to block out the disturbance. it ceases a few seconds later, much to everyone's relief.

“is someone playing zelda?” jongdae asks the group, still dodging baekhyun's flailing attacks.

“i think... i think it sounds like lost woods?” baekhyun sits up, relenting in his assault on jongdae. he yawns loudly and rubs his eyes. he looks at jongdae who mirrors his actions. “dude, you've got some serious bed hair.”

jongdae's hand shoots to his head, smoothing out his hair. “well, your morning breath is worse.”

“who's lost?” chanyeol mumbles, his voice thick with sleep. he smacks his lips as he tries to open his eyes.

“yah!” kyungsoo kicks chanyeol dangerously close to his balls. “were you _spooning_ me?”

the loud music fills the room again. “isn't that sehun's ringtone?” a more alert chanyeol looks around the room to locate the owner of said phone. “yah! sehun-ah, someone's calling your phone.”

“make it shut up!” kyungsoo seethes into a cushion, his fists punching the upholstery of the couch.

baekhyun pats the floor around him. “the phone's not here.”

“is it just a figment of our imagination?”

“shut up, jongdae. and for the love of god, someone throw that thing out the window before it drives me crazy!” kyungsoo yells are still muffled by him lying face down into the cushion.

“bruh, are you still drunk?” baekhyun cackles obnoxiously. kyungsoo catapults a cushion and hits him directly in the face. “thanks for the headrest.” he lays back down, resting his head on the cushion.

jongdae repositions himself, snuggling against baekhyun and wrapping a leg around him. he closes his eyes and drifts back to sleep, snoring softly. chanyeol sends a hopeful look to kyungsoo and throws his arms out for kyungsoo's embrace but is denied ruthlessly. “don't even think about it,” kyungsoo warns, backing away from the gangling oaf.

sehun returns to the front room with a toothbrush in his mouth. “waf fat my phone i hearf?” kyungsoo shoots him a menacing glare and he holds his hands up in defense. “waf?”

the phone pings. “that!” kyungsoo screams angrily. “that stupid thing woke us all up.”

sehun takes his toothbrush out of his mouth. “i’m sorry, soo hyung.” he squats by the couch, his hand slipping underneath it. he pulls out his mobile and checks his call log. “shoot, five missed calls from my mum. i forgot to let her know that i was staying over, she’s going to be so pissed.”

“aww,” chanyeol coos. “baby sehunnie still needs to let mummy know where he is?”

kyungsoo wallops the chanyeol in chest. “leave him alone. i think it’s admirable that he’s so considerate about how much his mother worries.”

“thanks, soo hyung.” sehun places his phone on the coffee table and resumes brushing his teeth, but not before sticking out his tongue out at chanyeol.

“yah! go back to the bathroom, i don’t want you dripping all over the floor.” kyungsoo yanks the cushion from under chanyeol and aims it at sehun. with his agile body and quick reflexes, sehun dodges the projectile with ease, the object striking baekhyun and jongdae instead.

the two jerk up, roused from their slumber. still in a daze, jongdae massages his temple, his body movement languid. “woah, the room is spinning. this shit is mad crazy. yo, kyungsoo-ah, how do you make it move like this?”

“go home, jongdae. you’re drunk.”

“so are you, byun baek!”

“fight me!”

they begin to wrestle on the floor, chanyeol encouraging the two from the sidelines. baekhyun emerges victorious, his thick thighs straddling a struggling jongdae, still trying to escape from the other’s hold.

“save it for the bedroom,” kyungsoo calls out to the two of them. “not _my_ bedroom, don’t you dare think about it.”

“you can talk,” baekhyun pants heavily. he slides off jongdae’s body and faces kyungsoo. “you and chanyeol looked mighty comfortable when you were spooning last night.”

chanyeol blushes. “y-you saw that, did you?”

kyungsoo scowls at baekhyun. “w-we weren’t spooning! as if i would ever let that lanky giraffe spoon me!” he jabs chanyeol in the chest several times with his index finger. “and you! don’t you dare continue this charade. there’s no way anything happened between the two of—”

“ _you_ were the one who spooned _me_ though!” chanyeol cries out. he tries to evade kyungsoo’s sharp pokes and ends up slipping off the couch, falling to the ground with a loud thud. “i think you owe me an apology. also, i think you need to hoover underneath the couch more often, it’s filthy!”

kyungsoo folds his arms indignantly and scoffs. “now i know you're just making shit up to make me lose my cool but it's not going to work because i know for a fact—” he's interrupted by a hard yank on his shirt's hem, pulling him to the ground.

“look!” chanyeol points out. “what did i say? it's filthy.”

kyungsoo peels himself from the other, kicking chanyeol in the process. “whatever, that still doesn't give you the right to spoon me without my explicit consent!”

“but i already told you that _you_ were the one who spooned _me_! i should be the one to complain if anything!”

“in your dreams!” kyungsoo spits at the other. “you may have been right about the needing to vacuum underneath the couch, but there's no way in hell i would go anywhere near you so do yourself a favour and stop lying to everyone, yourself included!”

“ouch. that's harsh.” chanyeol raises his head, blinking at the ceiling.

kyungsoo feels a pang in his heart; he didn't mean to hurt his friend’s feelings. before he has the opportunity to apologise for his cruel words, he's startled by the sound of sehun's phone ringing.

“if it's my mum again, just ignore it!” sehun calls from the bathroom.

baekhyun grabs the ringing phone from the table and glances at the caller id. “holy shit!” he exclaims before tossing it to jongdae.

“what the?” jongdae looks down and freezes on the spot.

sehun rushes into the living room after hearing baekhyun's outburst. “what happened?”

“it's jongin?” baekhyun responds. “who’s jongin? wait a second, is that the hot waiter dude from exology?!” he cries out excitedly.

“oh my god! everyone hide!” sehun shrieks out in panic. he immediately drops the floor, covering his face with his hands.

“it's not like he can see us—” kyungsoo is again cut off by chanyeol who’s enveloping the diminutive Kyungsoo with his much larger body, protecting him from the threat of ... absolutely nothing.

baekhyun begins running around the room in a frenzy whilst yelling “i'm too pretty to die!” over and over again. jongdae remains stationary, unable to move a muscle. after what seems to be an entire century, the phone's ringing ceases. jongdae collapses on the floor, gasping for air as if he's just crossed the finish line after running a marathon.

the room is eerily quiet, bar the occasional car driving past seeping through the slightly ajar window. of all the years that the five have been acquainted, this is the first time that the group has managed to keep quiet for more than ten seconds whilst being in the vicinity of each other.

sehun is enjoying the rare peacefulness, he closes his eyes and inhales deeply. he's still not recovered from his hangover, the aftermath of drinking far too much the night prior. he begins to feel drowsy, his eyelids too heavy to keep open. he can feel himself drifting off to dreamland when he's hauled back to reality by the familiar orchestral soundtrack of his ringtone.

sehun throws his body, hurtling toward his phone, his eyes still closed. he peeks at the caller's identity through squinted eyes, hoping and praying that it's his mother and not jongin. it’s jongin. he jumps to his feet, extending his arm as if increasing his proximity to the phone would have any effect. “make it stop!”

“just hang up if you don't want to speak to him," kyungsoo says, void of any emotion.

“but that would be rude!"

“and just letting the phone ring out isn't? whatever, it doesn't concern me." kyungsoo shrugs as he leaves the room.

“where are you going?” sehun whines.

“i'm going to get the vacuum cleaner. i need to hoover underneath the couch, it’s bothering me.”

sehun stamps his feet in a tantrum. “are you serious? you're abandoning me?! what am i going to do about this?” he shakes the still ringing phone. kyungsoo rolls his eyes and double backs to approach a distressed and flailing sehun.

“give it to me!” jongdae cuts in, snatching the phone off sehun and scampers to the kitchen, sehun following in his footsteps. jongdae eyes dart across the room and his eyes light up when they land on the rice cooker. he rushes over, opens the lid and tosses the phone inside. he shuts the lid, and dusts off his hands. “there, problem solved.”

“how did that help?" sehun asks incredulously as jongdae slips past him.

“out of sight, out of mind. come on, let's see if we can trick chanyeol into shaving off his eyebrows.” jongdae grabs sehun by the wrist and drags him toward the front room. “hey, yeollie! sehun and i think you would look really cool if you were to shave a line in one of your eyebrows. how about i do it for you?”

“what did you do in my kitchen?” kyungsoo asks, eyeing the two of the suspiciously as they enter the room.

jongdae throws his hands in the air. “we didn’t do nothing!” he shoots a wink at sehun.

“what about the one time you peed into his bottle of apple juice?” baekhyun doubles over in a fit of laughter.

“i only did that two times!”

“that’s two times too many! and after the first time, you promised you wouldn’t—” kyungsoo doesn’t bother to finish the sentence. instead, he exits the room, scurrying to check out the contents of his refrigerator. he returns moments later, still squinting at jongdae.

“you satisfied now? i don’t know if i should be offended that you didn’t believe me.” jongdae takes a seat beside baekhyun, swinging an arm over his shoulder.

“guys, let’s backtrack a little. i think we’re forgetting to discuss the important matter at hand,” chanyeol cuts in. “sehun-ah, i think you need to tell us all, and don’t withhold anything...” chanyeol places a hand on each shoulder and locks eyes with the younger male.

hoping to preempt chanyeol’s questioning him about how he managed to score jongin’s number, he tries to figure out the answer for himself. he’s still in a state of disbelief. who would’ve thought that jongin would actually give him his _real_ phone number? especially after that spectacularly disastrous attempt to seduce the waiter. sehun cringes at the memory, it was no doubt the most embarrassing moment to have transpired in the history of mankind, dinosaurkind, anythingkind. he shakes his head slowly and takes a deep breath. “look, i don’t know why—”

chanyeol cuts him off, “do you really think i could pull off shaving a line into my eyebrow?”

 

 

\---

 

 

_“you have reached the voicemail of—”_ jongin frowns and ends the phone call without leaving a message. his fingers dance across the screen, pulling up the messages to send a text.

“who’re you texting?” minseok asks, startling him.

jongin looks up, locking his phone and pocketing it before responding, “no one.” he tries to act nonchalant but the quiver in his voice gives him away. he tries to slip past the other waiter but minseok grabs a hold of his wrist.

“if it’s a ‘no one’, why are you grinning like an idiot then? you look like you slept with a coat hanger in your mouth, isn’t your jaw aching?” he asks with a raised eyebrow.

damn, that dude has killer eyebrow game, jongin observes. he clears his voice before responding, “he’s just someone i know.”

minseok ushers jongin to a spare booth, pushing him into it before taking a seat beside him. “so this ‘no one’ is a _‘someone’_ now?” he grills jongin further.

“a friend.”

“ooooh, a ‘friend’.” minseok wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“not that kind of friend!” jongin quickly adds.

“sure, sure. i bet you wish it was that kind of friend though.”

jongin averts his gaze, a warm flush spreading across his face.

“i knew it!” minseok’s face lights up, fully aware he’s hit the jackpot. “so, tell me all about him.”

“there’s nothing to tell,” jongin replies, swatting a very handsy minseok away. “stop trying to touch my junk!”

“i’m not! i was trying to steal your phone!” minseok exclaims, his hands recoiling from the accusation.

a passing junmyeon tuts at minseok disapprovingly. “let’s keep this a sexual harassment free environment, minseok. i expected more from you.”

minseok quickly slides out of the booth and gives chase to junmyeon, protecting his honour. “i swear i wasn’t trying anything!”

taking solace in his solitude, jongin retrieves his phone from his pocket. he spends ten minutes composing the text, deleting and redrafting countless times before he’s satisfied with his message. he hits send and resumes cleaning and setting up the tables.

he hums to himself as he glides around the restaurant with a subtle spring in his step, and chooses to ignore the hushed voices behind his back.

 

 

\---

 

 

“wait, so the dude's name _isn't_ zelda? his name is link? then why is the game called zelda?”

“that's the name of the princess, princess zelda,” sehun explains to chanyeol. part of him feels overjoyed that one of his friends is finally showing interest in the franchise and the other part of him feels somewhat apprehensive. this is park chanyeol, after all. the guy who actually listed his candy crush achievements on his resume.

“and this link dude rescues the princess? like mario?” chanyeol asks, cracking his knuckles before picking up the control pad. “is he a plumber, too?”

sehun shoots him a look as if he's just insulted his entire family dating back a hundred generations. “you did not just—” he sighs heavily and pinches the bridge of his nose. he regrets it already.

“you should be careful with your words when talking about zelda,” jongdae advises from behind them. he and baekhyun had migrated to the couch after claiming that they were still too drunk and hungover to partake in the zelda marathon or join kyungsoo in the kitchen (much to the host’s relief). “sehun has a massive hard on for link, he _will_ hurt you if you insult his precious baby.”

“do you remember when i had that nasty cut on my eyebrow junior year of high school?” baekhyun joins in the conversation. “it’s because i compared him to frodo.” he shakes his head in contempt.

“because they look nothing alike!”

“well, you didn’t have to throw the control pad at me!”

“there will be no throwing of anything,” kyungsoo warns from the kitchen. “if you guys don’t behave, you won’t get fed. am i understood?”

“yes, sir!” the men chorus.

sehun’s stomach growls, but he knows better than to rush kyungsoo. baekhyun may be the eldest of the group, but kyungsoo wields the most power. his authority mainly stems from the fact that he’s the only one who knows his way around the kitchen and he’s not afraid to exploit his culinary skills to exert control.

he ignores the hunger pangs and resumes discussing the gameplay with chanyeol. “wait, i should email you some walkthroughs that you might find helpful,” sehun informs the other, withholding the fact that he’s actually the author of the aforementioned guides. he also chooses not to reveal that he has been writing fanfiction under the pseudonym ‘ _linktrash69_ ’. he scans the room for his phone, he recalls placing it on the table before —oh, shoot …

“kim jongdae! oh sehun! why is there a phone in my rice cooker?” kyungsoo storms back into the front room and lobs the phone in sehun’s direction.

he catches the phone and frowns when he takes a look it. “it’s covered in rice! jongdae hyung, did you not look to see if there was still rice in cooker before you tossed it in there?!” sehun grabs the hem of chanyeol’s shirt and uses it to wipe down his phone.

“oops, my bad? sorry,” jongdae apologises halfheartedly.

“just to let you know, you guys will still be eating the rice, i’m not wasting food. by the way, i think you got a text, sehun” kyungsoo says as he trudges back to the kitchen. “from the waiter, kim jongin,” he adds.

sehun blinks at the phone as if it was a foreign device he had never seen before. kim jongin had text him? he’d forgotten about it when chanyeol had distracted him with questions about zelda. why _was_ the majestic kim jongin texting and calling him?

“i completely forgot about that phone ringing business. man, i was still so bombed,” baekhyun slurs from the couch, not bothering to open his mouth to talk.

“you’re still drunk, byunbaek,” jongdae points out.

“sssssh.” baekhyun puts a slender finger to his lips. “i was about to say something. what was it again?” he closes his eyes, his finger still held against his mouth. “oh yeah, sehun-ah. why did you freak out when ‘jongin’ called earlier?” he makes an air quote gesture when saying the waiter’s name.

“i don’t know? i panicked? i wasn’t thinking straight—”

“more like, you weren’t thinking at all,” baekhyun interjects. “you do realise that the person calling probably isn’t jongin, right? i mean, he probably gave you a random number.”

well. why didn’t this dawn on him earlier? sehun had even told the waiter to give him a _fake_ number so why did he almost have a panic attack at the mere thought of having to converse with him?

baekhyun clambers over jongdae and slides off the settee, still too lazy to make proper use of his muscles and limbs. he crawls slowly toward sehun, beckoning him to hand over his phone. “gimme.”

sehun reluctantly complies and hands over the phone. “why is this person even calling and texting me in the first place? it’s not like i contacted him or…” he trails off. “did i? did we?” his eyes widen as he tries to piece back together the hazy memories of the night before.

“did we?” baekhyun looks at jongdae who shrugs his shoulders. “chanyeol? do you remember anything?”

“what? i’m slashing grass right now. i almost have a hundred rupees,” the gamer replies, distracted by the hack and slash video game.

“well, we can always just check the call log and messages.”

“wait,” sehun snatches the phone back from baekhyun’s hand. “let me check first.” he unlocks his phone and sighs with relief when he discovers that he did not drunk dial the fake number. he opens the messages and closes his eyes. this can’t be happening. “nononononononono,” he mutters to himself as he tightens his grip on the phone, his knuckles turning white.

“sehun, what’s wrong?” baekhyun asks with concern. he pries the phone from the youngest’s clutches and reads the text message on the screen out loud, “hey sehun. it’s jongin from exology. you sent quite a few drunken text messages last night so i just wanted to check in i guess. i tried to call, but you must be still sleeping it off or something. anyway, hit me back when you get this. huh, would you take a look at that? it really was jongin.”

“shit, he gave his number for real?!” jongdae exclaims incredulously. “pass it here.” baekhyun hands the phone over and jongdae wastes no time in scrolling through the messages that were sent last night. “oh my god!” he bursts into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. “stop playing the game and check this out, chanyeol-ah! kyungsoo-ah, you too! you need to hear this.”

jongdae clears his throat and waits for everyone’s undivided attention. sehun’s face pales as his friend proceeds to read out some of the messages aloud.

“have you ever came so hard, you peed?”

“i accidentally farted in the lift one time and blamed the other person even though it was just the two of us.”

“i wrote a poem. you have nice eyes and thighs. i want to spread you like an apple pie. make you cry, that’s not a lie. oh my god, this is too embarrassing.” jongdae sets the phone down. “though to be fair, i’m pretty sure you didn’t send half of these texts. they’ve got byunbaek written all over them.”

“me?” baekhyun gasps in surprise. “you can’t prove—”

“the overuse of emojis, or what i hope are emojis tell me that it was you!” jongdae accuses. “and i doubt that sehun would refer to himself in the third person and then correct himself.”

“this is a dream. this is a dream. this is just a dream,” sehun repeats to himself, rocking back and forth.

“ssssh, sehun-ah. you’ll be okay,” kyungsoo comforts his young friend, stroking his broad back. “it’s not _that_ bad?” kyungsoo picks up the mobile and scrolls through the messages. “a lot of these aren’t even coherent, just random keyboard smashes and emojis.” kyungsoo shoots a look at baekhyun who chuckles nervously.

“yeah, as jongdae said. i think a lot of these are obviously not from you,” kyungsoo continues. “one time, there was no toilet paper so sehun had to use his friend’s towel and to this day, the poor guy doesn’t even know sehun wiped his arsecrack with his towel. wait, whose towel? what friend? oh sehun!”

“if you’re going to kill me, just make it quick. i’m too embarrassed to face him ever again.” sehun curls up in a ball and clenches his eyes shut, praying that he’s going to wake up from this nightmare.

“so was it my towel? which one was it? please don’t tell me it was my pororo one!” kyungsoo wails as he shakes sehun’s like a rag doll. eventually tiring himself out, he excuses himself to dispose of all his towels.

“look on the bright side, jongin gave you his _real_ number,” chanyeol points out. “i’m surprised you haven’t jizzed your pants yet.”

“wait a minute. you’re right, yeols. he gave sehunnie his _real_ number and sehun has yet to reply. jongdae, chanyeol, quick! hold him back while i text jongin back,” baekhyun instructs as he grabs the phone and begins to type away at the speed of light.

“what are doing?! get off me!” sehun exclaims, struggling to move as he’s restrained by his traitorous friends. “hyung, what are you texting?!”

“trust me, sehun-ah. nothing _bad_. ‘what you up to, hot stuff?’ and send.” baekhyun smirks devilishly as he slips the phone into sehun’s pocket. “you can thank me later.”

“hyuuuuuuuuung!” sehun whines. “how could you do this to—” his phone buzzes from his pocket before he has a chance to finish his sentence.

baekhyun pounces on him, retrieving the phone from his pocket and broadcasts the latest message. “it’s from him. just working. you should swing by later on. holy crap, did he just ask sehun to meet up with him? after all those texts?”

chanyeol and jongdae stare at sehun, their mouths hanging open in disbelief. baekhyun is mumbling something under his breath, covering his face with his palm as he shakes his head.

“what did i say?” sehun says as he puffs out his chest with pride, his attitude doing a complete one-eighty. “sex god.”

 

 

\---

 

 

jongin gapes in disbelief at his inbox. thirty seven text messages. _thirty seven_. granted, he’s not checked his phone during the entirety of his shift, but thirty seven messages?! he’s pretty sure that at least thirty six of them are from the same person. his hands slightly shaking in anticipation, he swipes a finger across the screen to unlock it. yup, they’re all from sehun. jongin tries to suppress the smile that’s taking over his face as he carefully reads each and every word, making sure not to miss a single letter.

“look, he’s doing that thing again.” minseok nudges junmyeon with an elbow.

junmyeon glances at the man in question.

“he’s biting on his lip, you know what that means. it must be a guy,” minseok continues.

noticing his colleagues staring at him and whispering to each other, jongin quickly pockets the phone. he grins from ear to ear and tries to calm the butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“wow, look at that smile,” junmyeon comments. “must be nice, to be on the receiving end of that smile.”

“wait, wait, wait. hold up, hold up, hold up. do you _like_ jongin?” minseok asks, placing a hand on the other’s arm.

junmyeon whips his head to face the elder. “w-what? n-no!” he stumbles over his words.

“oh my god! you so like jongin!” minseok makes kissy faces at junmyeon until he realises that it’s an unreciprocated love story and perhaps he should approach the topic with more tact. he clears his throat. “i mean, dude. that must suck. sorry, bruh.”

“i don’t like jongin!” junmyeon asserts, a little louder than he had intended.

“why? what’s wrong with jongin?” yixing asks, popping out of nowhere and jumping into the conversation.

“nothing’s wrong with jongin. i just don’t _like_ jongin,” junmyeon explains. his eyes are suddenly drawn to the phone in yixing’s hand.

“i don’t see why not. i like jongin,” yixing says, completely casual about his sudden confession.

“you do?” minseok would’ve never guessed it. he looks over to a quiet junmyeon, his eyes glued to mobile in yixing’s hand. “did you know about this, junmyeon?”

junmyeon remains captivated by the utterly mundane electronic device, his eyes refusing to budge from its fixed position. yixing waves a hand, an attempt to capture the man’s attention but to no avail.

“earth to junmyeon? earth to junmyeon?” yixing repeats softly.

snapping out of his daze, junmyeon forces a smile. “yixing, have you been texting jongin?”

“i text him from time to time.”

“i see.” i’ll just, you know… those tables won’t wipe themselves,” junmyeon replies, completely disheartened by the revelation. he paces off in a blink of an eye, leaving a very confused chef and waiter in his wake.

“what was the all about?” yixing asks, pocketing the phone in his hand.

befuddled by the man’s actions, minseok tries to fit the pieces together. he recalls junmyeon staring at yixing’s hand before he fluttered off. “ahhhh, i think i get it now.”

“get what?”

“he thinks you like jongin, as in, you like his penis,” minseok explains, slightly too proud that he’s managed to figure it all out.

yixing nods, slowly comprehending the situation. “oh. does junmyeon like jongin? is that why he’s so sad?”

“it would appear so. what, do you like jongin?”

yixing hesitates for a brief moment before he glances toward the kitchen. “oh shoot, the fries are burning.” he rushes off, evading the question.

minseok ponders for a moment, processing all the information he’s gather thus far. does yixing really harbour romantic feelings toward jongin? if so, does jongin reciprocate the feeling? did he detect a look of guilt wash across the other’s face when he found out that junmyeon likes jongin, too? what does this mean for junmyeon? will he be left jilted, nursing a broken heart?

minseok did find it strange when both yixing and junmyeon refused to partake in the snooping of jongin’s phone when they were investigating the identity of the mystery texter. yixing, not wishing to reveal himself, and junmyeon wanting to continue with his head buried in the sand. not to mention the fact that he’d also been uncharacteristically harsh when he’d lectured minseok on the rules of sexual misconduct in the workplace after witnessing minseok reaching for jongin’s phone which just happened to also be next to his precious parts.

what a complicated love triangle, he thinks. he hopes it doesn’t all blow up, the resulting tension in the atmosphere will be insufferable. it’s most definitely _not_ a good idea to start a ~~n office~~ restaurant romance. ‘don’t crap where you eat’ is the rule he abides by, which is why he declines all come ons and requests for his number. even when it’s from the hot and pretty chinese dude with the adorable accent who frequents the joint. minseok sighs dreamily.

“ah well. guess we’ll just have to wait and see what happens between the three of them. poor junmyeon though,” minseok whispers quietly to himself as he observes the two waiters.

oblivious to the incorrect assumptions occurring in his colleague’s mind, jongin continues to grin at the last text sehun had sent to him, the words visualised in his mind.

_i’m excited for tomorrow! you weren’t joking about the free food, right? ??????? see you soon, jongin!! ??????????????_

 

 

\---

 

 

sehun is counting the number of granules in the salt dispenser. he’s lost count more times than the highest number he’s managed to get up to, but it doesn’t deter him from starting all over again.

twenty-one. twenty-two. twenty-three. sehun hears a cough, momentarily distracting him, triggering another failed attempt. he glances at the male sitting opposite him. he opens his mouth to say something but his voice fails him. he goes back to counting.

this is not the way sehun had envisioned his first date (question mark?) with kim jongin would go down. half an hour has passed since they arrived at exology, seated in the most secluded area of the restaurant. thirty minutes of shy looks, forced smiles and a deafening silence.

it’s not like they haven’t had conversations before, there’s been endless text exchanges and frequent late night phone calls. there was always a constant flow of conversation, effortless and engaging.

sehun steals a glance at jongin and quickly looks away when their eyes meet. a question suddenly dawns on him; is this even a date? the label wasn’t explicitly stated when they had arranged to meet up but sehun was under the impression that it was. on the other hand, what if jongin considered it as two friends hanging out, just bros?

why are things so complicated? the ambiguity of this meeting has left sehun unsure as to how he should conduct himself. he doesn’t want to accidentally friendzone jongin but he doesn’t want to make a fool out of himself either by throwing himself at him. all this thinking and analysing is beginning to give sehun a headache.

“it’d be easier if you poured it onto the table.”

“huh?” sehun asks, whilst repeating fifty two over and over in his head.

“the salt.” jongin points at the shaker.

“huh?”

the male stifles a smile but his eyes betray him. “i think i should be offended that you’re so unriveted by my company that you felt the need to entertain yourself by counting how many salt granules are in the shaker. an ambitious goal but an impossible feat nonetheless.”

“how did you know that i was-—”

“—counting the salt?” jongin finishes, cracking a smile.

the ethereal beauty that is kim jongin astounds sehun, leaving him breathless and unable to formulate any words. he manages a nod.

“you weren’t exactly being as discreet as you thought you were. plus, i could read your lips.” jongin chuckles, his expression soft.

sehun blushes in embarrassment. “oh, right.”

the silence returns and sehun shuffles in his seat, silently praying for the food to be served. he hopes that the introduction of an activity—eating—will relieve the excruciating awkward atmosphere.

a vibrating buzz captures jongin’s attention. his hands fly to the table and seizes his phone and answers the call immediately. “what’s up, yixing?” he greets the caller in a hushed voice. “wait, hang on. i’ll be right there.”

jongin ends the call and shoots an apologetic look to sehun. “that was a friend of mine, yixing. he’s actually a chef here, he needs a little help back in the kitchen, so i’m just going to head back there.”

sehun tries to veil his disappointment with a smile. despite the lack of conversation, there was something comforting about spending time with jongin, face to face.

“it won’t be for too long. if that’s alright with you, of course?” he adds when he observes the pensive expression cast on sehun’s face.

sehun nods slowly. “sure.” he detects the deflated tone in his own voice and hopes the other doesn’t pick up on it.

jongin reaches over and grabs the salt dispenser and deposits a small mound onto the tabletop. “if you finish counting before i return, i’ll do anything you want to make it up to you,” jongin whispers into sehun’s ear causing the latter to shudder slightly. he squeezes sehun’s hand quickly before ~~waltzing~~ heading to the kitchen.

sehun caresses his hand, the warmth of jongin’s touch still lingers on his skin. inspecting the salt pile, he sticks a finger and wriggles it around, scattering the miniscule granules across the table. he plans on informing jongin of the total count, despite not actually bothering to tally it up. he’s just going to pick a random number instead, it’s not like jongin would seriously challenge him and verify it. what number would be plausible? five hundred and something, or is that too high?

immersed in selecting a suitable number, sehun fails to notice the new face standing across from him.

“are you going to clean that up, or am i going to have to do that when you leave?”

sehun almosts falls off his chair, finally acknowledging the other. “you scared the crap outta me!” he exclaims whilst clutching his chest.

“i know, it was awesome.” the man grins, clearly showing a complete lack of remorse for startling the other. he plonks his butt down in jongin’s seat. “but seriously though, i would really appreciate it if you didn’t spill salt everywhere. hey, wait a second, i recognise you. you’re part of the rowdy bunch. that’s what we call you, you know.”

it’s one of jongin’s colleagues, the waiter who looks like he still requires adult supervision. sehun reads his nametag, minseok. ah yes, that’s his name. sehun scans the restaurant to locate jongin, he’s nowhere in sight and most likely still occupied in the kitchen. “erm, hey?”

minseok leans closer, resting his elbows on the table. “how come you’re all on your lonesome? where’s the rest of the rowdy bunch?” he asks.

“i don’t know, i’m not their keeper.” sehun doesn’t mean to sound so snappy, he’s just feeling slightly anxious. what’s keeping jongin so long?

“meow!” minseok imitates a clawing motion with his hand. “i think i might like you. you and that small guy don’t seem so bad. it’s the others that cause all the trouble.”

sehun doesn’t say anything, which only spurs the other to carry on the one-sided conversation.

“you know, i saw two of you guys yesterday. i think it was a date, that went quite well actually. and if you’re wondering how i know, minseok always knows. also, they were sucking face at the end of the night.”

two of his friends were on a date? for some reason, this doesn’t really come as to much of a surprise to sehun. he’d always had an inkling that baekhyun and jongdae’s relationship ran deeper than what they let on.

“though i was kinda shocked at first,” minseok continues, “because i thought the short scary guy was _your_ boyfriend. though, i did suspect that giant of a klutz had feelings for the small guy. i noticed the way he looked at him, so good on him i say. unless _you_ liked him, too. that would be awkwaaaard. and did i just put my foot in it?”

“wait, what did you say? kyungsoo and chanyeol?!” sehun almost chokes on his saliva. it wasn’t baekhyun and jongdae that minseok was talking about? it was _kyungsoo_ and _chanyeol_?!

“ahhh, so you didn’t know about it. crap.” minseok buries his face into his hands. “sorry, dude. i didn’t mean to open my big mouth.”

“it’s okay,” sehun offers reassurance. “i was just surprised, i thought you were talking about the other two guys, baekhyun and jongdae. but you don’t have to worry about me and kyungsoo. we’re just friends, best friends, in fact. that’s all we’ve ever been. but i’m glad you told me, honest.” he has brand new ammunition to blackmail kyungsoo with, an evil laugh resounds in his mind.

“so i didn’t ruin any friendships?” minseok asks, an earnest expression on his face.

“you didn’t.”

minseok wipes his forehead with a napkin. “phew, thought i royally screwed things up there.”

sehun smiles at minseok, his eyes wandering in the direction of the kitchen.

“there must be some kind of love bug going around.”

“hmm?” sehun asks, still distracted by keeping an eye out for jongin.

“first, your two friends. and then with the guys i work with. at least you’re not involved in a messy love triangle,” minseok elaborates.

“love triangle? with you?”

minseok shakes his head. “two of the waiters and our sous chef. i don’t know if you know them but i think one of the waiters, jongin, and yixing are involved in a thing. and then there’s junmyeon, the other waiter, who likes jongin. and he’s only just found out yesterday about jongin and yixing so it’s kinda awkward. but i’m not getting involved in any of it, i swear. i do not need that drama in my life.”

“yixing?” why does the name sound so familiar? sehun’s sure he’s heard it somewhere.

“the sous chef. i actually saw jongin head in there even though the waiters aren’t technically allowed in the kitchen. but i guess that’s what romance does to ya, breaking all the rules.”

jongin and yixing, the sous chef. the chef who works in the kitchen where jongin currently is and has been for the past ten minutes. jongin and yixing, together. sehun feels a tightness in his chest and a shortness of breath. the room starts to spin and he grips onto the table to steady himself.

“hey, are you okay?” minseok sounds panicked and sehun starts to wheeze.

this isn’t a date, of course it’s not a date. jongin already has a boyfriend. so why did jongin give him his number and speak to him all night on the phone. isn’t he aware of the connotations that come with late night phone calls? you don’t do those kinds of things when you already have a significant other.

sehun feels humiliated, sending all those texts, what was he thinking? and to actually believe that jongin was interested in him and invited him on a date. sehun starts to cackle uncontrollably, causing more alarm to the waiter.

jongin was just being nice, that’s all. there’s no romantic interest because he already has a boyfriend. a _boyfriend_. yixing. jongin and yixing. sehun continues to roar with laughter, attracting the attention of the other diners.

“is everything okay?” junmyeon joins the two and places a hand on sehun’s shoulder.

“i’m fine, i’m fine,” sehun replies, standing up from his chair. “i just need to go now.”

“but your food hasn’t even arrived yet,” minseok points out.

with one arm in his jacket, sehun ignores the two men and flees the scene. he needs to get out of there, and pronto. he’s not sure what would happen if he saw jongin and yixing flaunting their love with gross displays of public affection.

he’s not even sure why he’s so deeply affected by the news, it’s not like he and jongin were exclusive. they haven’t even disclosed mutual feelings of attraction. jongin doesn’t owe him anything. so why is he having difficulty breathing? he stumbles to the entrance of the restaurant and doesn’t take a look back.

abort mission activated.

 

 

\---

 

 

jongin frowns at his phone. “why hasn't he called back?” he asks himself. he checks his phone for the umpteenth time. no new messages, no missed calls. he doesn't want to ring _again_ , he doesn't want to appear too eager or desperate, but he feels slightly concerned as to the other’s well being. what if he’s gotten into an accident and unable to return jongin’s phone calls and messages? though, it doesn’t explain why he’d rushed out without an explanation. or maybe it involved a friend or family member?

jongin tosses the phone onto his bed and he growls in exasperation. he rolls over and stares at the device. “come on, call me back,” he implores. “okay, now i'm just being silly. just leave it, kim jongin. if he wants to get in touch, he will. and if he doesn't...” jongin groans into his palms.

he takes a deep breath. he can almost feel his phone looking at him, taunting at him. he pushes his bangs away from his forehead and exhales loudly. his hand reaches for the phone tentatively, his fingers lingering inches away. he strengthens his resolve and grabs the phone, and unlocks his phone. his finger flutters across the screen, once he presses the call button, he holds the phone gently to his ear.

_“hey jongin, what's up? are you calling in sick today or something?”_

jongin hangs up without bothering to respond. “so it does work!” he drops his phone and kicks his feet in the air to vent out his frustration.

he yelps when his phone starts to vibrate. he immediately picks up the call without bothering to check out the caller id. “s-sehun?” he stammers. he slaps his forehead with an open palm and clears his throat. “i mean, hey.” his voice a couple octaves deeper than usual.

_“yah! did you just hang up on me?”_ junmyeon screeches on the other end.

jongin winces, pulling the phone away from his ringing ear. junmyeon continues to babbling away about his bowel movement or something; jongin doesn’t have time for this. “sorry, hyung! i'm waiting for an important phone call, i have to go!” jongin cuts in before ending the call with no remorse.

he rolls over and buries his face in the pillow. he feels his phone vibrate in his hand, someone’s just sent him a text. although it’s more than likely that it’s a message from junmyeon, berating him for the repeated hang ups, jongin can still feel the butterflies fluttering in his stomach. there’s still a possibility it could be sehun, no matter how improbable.

he counts to three before sitting up. he reads the message on the screen.

 

**gramps**  
well, that was rude.

 

“not as rude as this next message!” he mutters under his breath as he angrily types a response. he lays back down, flat on his back and stares idly at the ceiling.

he’s not been able to get in touch with sehun since the event that occurred two weeks prior. he’s not sure what exactly happened. after returning from the kitchen to help out yixing, he had returned to an empty table with sehun nowhere in sight. he had checked the restrooms, his disappearance remained a complete mystery. he’d even waited over an hour for his return, but ultimately ended up leaving the restaurant with a heavy heart, feeling both disappointed and confused.

countless phone calls and text messages went unanswered. had sehun been so put off by the awkward silences that he ducked out the second the coast was clear? sure, it had been mildly uncomfortable, but jongin didn’t think it warranted complete radio silence. he’d even done that thing with the salt which he thought was charming and cute. unless he had somehow offended the other without being aware of it. jongin reruns the evening over in his head, trying to pinpoint any words or actions that may have been misconstrued.

unable to determine a possible reason, he punches his mattress in exasperation and screams “whyyyyy?” at his phone. his fingers find themselves being drawn to the device and he succumbs to the magnetism. one more text wouldn’t hurt, would it?

 

 

\---

 

 

“where we going?” sehun asks the group, apprehensive as to why they’ve been avoiding eye contact. the wide smiles and battering eyelashes don’t help quell the doubt.

“just follow us and keep your mouth quiet if you still want us to treat you to a free dinner,” jongdae replies, grabbing hold of his left arm.

“but that makes even more suspiciou—”

“hush now, child.” baekhyun presses a finger to sehun’s lips. “you’ll see when we get there.” he withdraws his finger and latches onto sehun’s other arm.

“i’m walking ahead,” kyungsoo announces, charging ahead with lightning speed.

“wait, soo hyung! please save me!” sehun implores, trying to escape the clutches of the two barnacles attached to his arms.

“he’s resisting! chanyeol, quick! deploy the sensory deprivator 5000!” baekhyun barks, his grip tightening tenfold.

“what? i’m not—” everything turns black, sending sehun into a panicked frenzy. trying to rid his restraints, his arms thrash violently. “what the hell is going on?!”

“ssssh, resistance is futile,” sehun hears a muffled jongdae say.

what the hell are his friends up to? sehun still can’t believe he was tricked into this outing, lured by kyungsoo’s innocent face. he’d only open the front door for his hyung because he’d been deceived by those big doe eyes of his (and also because he wanted to grill his friend about his date with chanyeol). sehun vowed to never be fooled by kyungsoo’s innocent face again, which is all well and dandy for future sehun but how to alleviate the pain and suffering of present sehun?

still unable to see beyond an abyss of black, sehun has no choice but to let thing one and thing two guide his path. sehun ceases his resistance and instead channels his energy into scheming his sweet revenge, he’ll get them back; he’ll get them back good.

“watch your step,” baekhyun warns, both he and jongdae loosening their vice grips. sehun feels a slight tingling sensation as the blood begins to recirculate to his limbs.

and you might want to watch out for your lube when i’m done, sehun thinks, amused by his ingenious idea to replace half the contents with superglue. have fun trying to explain why your hand is stuck to your penis when you’re in a&e.

with his newfound freedom, sehun reaches to remove the material covering his face when it’s yanked away. “hey!” he protests.

“not yet. sit.” it’s kyungsoo who instructs sehun this time. he feels a hand on his shoulder, pushing him down into a seat.

“okay, i is sit. is anyone going to take off the sack or whatever it is you’ve got suffocating me?” sehun huffs in indignation.

“only if you promise not to leg it once we do.” the voice is low, unmistakably belonging to chanyeol.

“you guys are aware that you’ve just committed a felony, right? kidnapping is a crime.”

someone slaps him on the back of his head. “stop being a wisearse and just agree to the terms.”

“how can an arse be wise, exactly?” another whack, sehun yelps in pain. “fine, whatever. just get this thing off me!” the rough material is starting to scratch his face raw, sehun crinkles his nose to relieve the annoying itch.

a wave of relief washes over his body when his face is rid of its “sensory deprivator”. he shoots daggers at each one of his friends, when he recognises his surroundings. he’s sitting at their usual table at exology. shit.

“w-why are we here?” he asks, scanning the restaurant for the waiter whom shall not be named.

“because,” kyungsoo curtly states with an expression void of emotion. for some reason, sehun muses on whether or not kyungsoo holds the same expression during coitus. if that is the case, he should send a card to chanyeol, the poor sod. although, there was that one time when sehun found a sex blowup doll tucked away in chanyeol’s wardrobe so chances are, he’s probably already used to it.

“let’s face it, you’ve been a miserable arse for the past few weeks and it’s no secret as to why that is,” baekhyun says, taking hold of one of sehun’s hand. the sincerity in the older male’s voice is unsettling. “okay, so we don’t _exactly_ know what happened, but we know it has something to do with a certain waiter in this fine establishment. so we’ve brought you here to sort it all out.”

“that and we also need to celebrate kyungsoo and chanyeol finally doing it!” jongdae cackles in glee. sehun welcomes the shift in subject matter with utmost gratitude.

“actually, speaking of. jongdae and i have some news to share with you guys, too,” baekhyun says, still holding onto sehun’s hand.

jongdae slips his fingers into baekhyun’s other hand. “since chanyeol and kyungsoo decided to go public with their relationship—”

“—we didn’t!” kyungsoo interjects, slamming an open palm onto the table. “you walked in on us and then told everyone about it, including our parents, you little fuc—“

chanyeol covers kyungsoo’s mouth before the profanity flows like an open faucet. “yeah, that wasn’t cool, bruh.”

“chanyeol, i can see you winking,” kyungsoo says flatly.

“sorry, babe. i just want everyone to know about our precious love.”

“don’t call me ‘babe’.”

“sorry, doll.”

“that’s even worse!”

“you guys are too cute!”

“shut it, byun baek.”

“hey!”

chanyeol gushes at his boyfriend who looks likes he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. and despite the horrified expression plastered on his face, kyungsoo makes no real efforts to silence chanyeol. it’s an unusual relationship dynamic but they somehow manage to complement each other perfectly. “what were we even talking about? or shall we discuss how insanely handsome my bab— kyungsoo hyung is?”

intending to make an exit while his friends are distracted, sehun’s plans are put on hold by the disturbing bomb that chanyeol’s just dropped on them. “did you just call kyungsoo, _’hyung’_?!”

“ooh, kinky!”

“oh. my. god. which one of you has the hyung kink? chanyeol or kyungsoo? come on, spill.” baekhyun begins to interrogate the blushing pair.

“i thought you two were about to make an announcement!” kyungsoo deflects the topic, his face already beet red.

snapping back to his senses, sehun deems it time for his escape; it’s now or never. he activates stealth ninja mode as he tries to slip his hand out of baekhyun’s hold.

“ah, ah. don’t even think about it.” baekhyun tugs sehun back toward him.

sehun curses himself for squandering the perfect opportunity to make his getaway and he’s pretty sure there will be no more openings for escape. his eyes do another quick sweep of the restaurant. fortunately, the waiter who must not be named doesn’t appear to be working today. armed with that knowledge, sehun allows himself to relax and be at ease.

“we’re waiting with great anticipation, what’s this news you’ve got to tell us,?” kyungsoo asks, his tone conveying the exact opposite of enthusiasm and interest.

baekhyun shoots a knowing look at jongdae, who in turns smiles a cavity inducing grin back at him. “we thought it’s about time to let you know that jongdae and i have actually been dating.”

“oh. is that it?” kyungsoo asks, his voice remaining monotone.

“what do you mean ‘is that it’?!” jongdae splutters, bewildered by his friends’ reactions, or lack thereof rather.

“i hate to break it to you guys, but we already knew,” chanyeol informs the bemused couple. he directs his attention back to kyungsoo, his gaze filled with affection and love.

“but did you know we’ve been dating since we were—”

“-—fifteen. yup.” kyungsoo finishes baekhyun’s sentence. still looking at his boyfriend, chanyeol nods his head, expressing it’s no news to him either.

baekhyun squeezes sehun’s hand. “how about you? did you know?” he enquires.

“i thought you knew that we knew.” sehun seizes the opportunity to withdraw his hand when his response causes baekhyun’s grip to lax.

“well, thanks guys, baekkie’s been super excited about telling you guys and y’all just gone and pissed on his parade. anyways, back to sehun,” jongdae says, pulling a pouting baekhyun into his arms. “seeing as we’re all coupled off now; baekhyun and i, chanyeol and kyungsoo. don’t you think it’s about time you settle down as well? you don’t want to play fifth wheel to us now, do you?”

the blunt question stuns sehun. fifth wheel. it suddenly dawns on him that he’s surrounded by a couple of _couples_. if this had been asked a couple of months ago, it wouldn’t have been much of an issue with sehun. he’s been single for as long as he can remember, and that’s never really bothered him. he’s not the kind of of guy whose happiness is contingent on his love life. however, things are different now considering his unrequited feelings for jongin; he doesn’t need the constant reminder. he looks at baekhyun and jongdae embracing one another and then over at chanyeol and kyungsoo who are clearly holding hands under the table. he sighs softly, his friends’ relationship statuses amplify the sad reality that he’s alone.

he’s not quite sure when the mere attraction turned into actual feelings, but when minseok had revealed that jongin had been involved with a co-worker, the pain he felt had been visceral. he knows it’s foolish to have fallen so hard for someone he’s barely spent any real face to face time with, but it doesn’t detract from the connection he feels with the other.

“you should speak to him.” kyungsoo places a hand on sehun’s clenched fist, snapping the latter out of his train of thoughts. “you’ve not been yourself, and as much as we loathe to say this… we want the ‘sex god’ back.”

“you’ve lost that sparkle in your eyes,” chanyeol adds, placing his much larger hand on top of kyungsoo’s.

“lame,” sehun scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“sehun-ah.”

the looks of pity begin to overwhelm sehun, he clenches his eyes shut. he doesn’t need this, he doesn’t need any of this. who do they think they are? just because they’re getting laid on the regular, it doesn’t make them better than he is. he doesn’t need his friends making him feel inferior just because he has no one to cuddle with and wake up to.

“fifth wheel?” sehun seethes, the rage quickly manifesting. he takes a deep breath to compose himself. “i don’t think so. maybe i’ll just find new friends.”

“sehun?” he hears a voice that doesn’t belong to any of his friends and he immediately opens his eyes.

he blinks furiously at the man standing in front of him, not quite believing his eyes. “j-jongin,” he manages to whisper.

“sehun,” jongin repeats his name. he’s biting his lower lip, sehun detects a look of apprehension in his eyes.

why is jongin here? he asks himself over and over again. did his friends plan this? is everyone plotting against him? he notices that jongin’s not wearing his uniform, which could only mean that he isn’t due to be working a shift today. so why exactly is he here? in front of sehun. right now. standing before him. this very second.

“sehun.” jongin speaks his name for the third time.

sehun feels flustered, he doesn’t know what to say to jongin. he’s angry, he’s embarrassed, he’s confused, he’s all of the above. “why did you give me your actual number when you already had a boyfriend?” the question threatens to spill from his lips.

jongin places a hand on sehun’s shoulder and the latter flinches, as if he’s just been burned. “seh—”

“don’t,” sehun spits, interrupting the other. “just don’t.” he stands up, the chair dragging against the floor as he rises. startled, jongin takes a couple of steps backwards.

“sehunnie,” baekhyun addresses the male with a sweet child tone and toothy smile. his face immediately falls, the grin completely vanished when sehun practically hisses at him.

sehun is one hundred percent done. his friends are dicks. jongin is a dick. well, he’s more of a cocktease, waving it around to string stupid fools like sehun along for a reason unbeknownst to him. maybe he just likes the attention and ego boost. whatever the reason, the game ends now.

he catches jongin about to say something and his body reacts, flight or fight responses kicking in, he’s halfway out the restaurant before jongin can utter a single syllable. everything’s going to be a-okay, sehun reassures himself. there are plenty of other restaurants he can dine at, other people he can befriend and hang out with, other guys he can—

“sehun, wait! sehun, please!”

he ignores jongin calls and pleas to stop. he about to quicken his pace when he feels a firm grip take hold of his wrist, holding him back.

“sehun! would you just—”

“no! let go of me!” sehun screams at jongin, pulling his hand away. what is it with today with people manhandling him like a doll? he rubs at his wrist, refusing to meet eyes with jongin.

“why are you running away?!” jongin’s voice is just as frantic as his.

sehun sneaks a glance at jongin, his eyes widening when he observes how upset the other looks. “i don’t understand, jongin,” he finally says, so quiet he’s not sure if the other heard him.

“what don’t you understand?” jongin asks, closing the distance between the two. his face is so close to sehun’s, he can feel jongin’s warm breath on his skin.

sehun looks deep into jongin’s eyes and asks the question he’s been driving himself crazy with over the past month, “why?”

a look of confusion floods jongin’s face. “why, what?”

sehun looks away and jongin reaches out his hand. a cold palm rests against sehun’s cheek, softly turning it to face him. “why did you give me your real number?”

jongin laughs and sehun’s heart skips a beat. why does he have to be so captivating?

“i think it’s pretty obvious as to why,” jongin breathes, his voice low and sensual.

don’t fall for this, sehun, don’t do it. just back away and leave. he ignores the internal voice screaming at him and continues, “but you have a boyfriend.”

jongin’s eyebrows furrow, the cheery expression replaced with a puzzled look. “i don’t have a boyfriend?”

“don’t lie to me, i know you’re dating yixing. or maybe he’s not your boyfriend or you have some kind of open relationship and can see other people. but i don’t-—”

jongin starts to laugh, cutting sehun off mid sentence. the male’s reaction angers sehun; is he actually serious right now, he’s _laughing_? quickly noticing sehun’s glare, jongin takes a hold of sehun’s hands. “i don’t know why you think that, but yixing and i are most definitely _not_ dating.”

“i don’t believe you,” sehun huffs, trying his best to ignore the fact that jongin’s holding his hands.

“i have it on good authority that yixing likes junmyeon,” jongin tells him, squeezing sehun’s hands tighter. “i don’t know where you’re getting your information from but you’re mistaken.”

“...minseok told me,” sehun reveals, his heart racing.

jongin lets out another hearty chuckle, his eyes forming half moon crescents. “minseok is not a reliable source. he even told me that junmyeon likes me, for god’s sake!”

“but doesn’t he?” sehun asks, still perplexed by the situation. has this all just been one big misunderstanding?

jongin stops laughing and shakes his head vigorously before flicking sehun on the forehead. “junmyeon likes yixing, silly!”

sehun winces in pain and rubs his forehead, his lips forming a pout. “hey! that hurt!”

“well, serves you right.” jongin smiles warmly, causing sehun’s breath to hitch. he leans in closer and whispers into sehun’s ear “i actually like someone else.” he pulls back, a slight crimson hue creeps over his face.

jongin doesn’t like yixing, he likes someone else. who could that someone else be? the cog wheels are turning in sehun’s brain, as he processes the information. with a pensive look on his face, he asks tentatively, “so who do you like then?”

“you really have no idea?” jongin asks in return with a cheeky smirk.

sehun shakes his head no. “i mean, i’ve been wrong before so i don’t want to jump to any more conclusions just in case i’m—“

before sehun has a chance to finish speaking, jongin interrupts him. “who did i just chase after?” he asks, leaning in again, his lips brushing against sehun’s.

“me?”

jongin nods his head, his lips grazing gently against sehun’s upper and lower lips. sehun can feel jongin’s smile. “ and well, if you still don’t believe me, why don’t i show you?”

sehun closes his eyes, anticipating jongin’s lips pressing onto his. however, he feels the warmth of jongin’s lips retreating and he opens his eyes in confusion. he glances at jongin who’s no longer facing him, but to the window. sehun follows jongin’s gaze and turns his face. if he were an anime character, he would’ve collapsed to the ground, a black aura emanating from his body.

there’s no denying it; his friends are absolute dicks. baekhyun is making smoochy faces at them whilst his other half is humping the air, thrusting his hips with what sehun can only assume are “ungf” sound effects if his face is anything to go by. chanyeol’s no better, he’s standing with a foot on the chair, smacking air booty as he body rolls, his movements as stiff as an ironing board. sehun groans in embarrassment, something he’s pretty sure kyungsoo is also doing behind the menu he’s got his face buried in.

“looks like we’ve got an audience,” jongin comments with an arched eyebrow. “i think it’s time we move to a more private location?”

sehun feels jongin slipping his fingers in between in his own, leading him back to the restaurant. with his other hand, sehun grabs the hem of jongin’s shirt, and gives it a sharp yank. “i think we’ve waited long enough.”

sehun leans in and crashes their lips together, slipping in his tongue when jongin opens his mouth slightly. he choose to ignore the whooping and cheering from his friends, who are all clearly enjoying the show. he feels jongin’s hands cradling the back of his head, sighing contently as the kiss deepens. in turn, sehun’s hands run his hands down jongin’s broad back, slowly roaming lower… south.

“yeah, sehunnie! take his clothes off!” they hear baekhyun scream from the restaurant, rattling the window with his knuckles.

“those are quite some friends you’ve got there,” jongin comments with a wide smile, breaking the kiss and rests his forehead against sehun’s.

sehun flips the bird at his friends and then gestures for them to stop gawking at them. he looks into jongin’s eyes, mesmerised by their beauty. “maybe we should go somewhere more private, away from those idiots?” he proposes, wanting to escape the audience they’ve attracted.

“i’d like that,” jongin whispers into sehun’s ear. he laces his fingers in sehun’s hand and leads him away from the restaurant.

sehun’s not exactly sure where the other is taking him but he doesn’t really care, so long as they’re together. it still might be too early to call this love but whatever it is, he’s excited for what the future holds for the two of them.

 

 

\---

 

 

“wait, what am i looking at?” sehun asks as he inspects the two slabs of meat on his plate. he pokes one of the questionable chunks with his fork.

jongin scrunches up his face. “you don’t get it?” he’s pouting now and sehun’s thinks he’s too adorable for his own good.

sehun leans in and places a chaste kiss on his plush lips, causing the other to blush. “i think it’s supposed to be some kind of meat?”

jongin’s face lights up with glee and he nods his head vigorously. “yes! it’s beef and chicken.”

sehun does a double take, examining the contents of his plate further. “this brown thing is supposed to be _chicken_?” he pierces it with his fork and cuts into it, the white meat finally revealing himself. he emits a quiet “ahhhh” before asking, “but why is it so brown?”

jongin smiles affectionately at sehun’s actions. “it’s glazed with barbeque sauce.”

sehun cuts a piece and pops it into his mouth, chewing carefully as he savours the taste. he swallows before taking a sip of water. “i like it,” he beams at his boyfriend.

“i’m glad,” jongin says with a sigh of relief. “it’s actually a special order.”

“oh?” sehun says with a full mouth. he covers his mouth with a hand. manners, sehun, he reminds himself.

“you don’t get it?”

sehun looks at his plate, a pensive look on his face. “beef and chicken. beef and chicken. beef and chicken,” he repeats like a mantra when it finally clicks, the lightbulb above his head lighting up. “oh my god, brown chicken, brown cow!”

jongin has a look of satisfaction on his face. sehun cuts a piece and feeds it to jongin, it pleases him to act like a cheesy couple in love. jongin gobbles the offering with delight, and returns the favour, sehun all too willing to oblige.

“you know, this is what i had prepared for our first date. of course, you would’ve know that had you’d stuck around.”

sehun cringes, concealing the embarrassment behind his hands. jongin laughs and pulls sehun’s hands away. “it’s okay though,” he continues. “better late than never.”

“i still can’t believe i managed to woo you with this though.” sehun shakes his head, still reeling from the shameful memory.

“what can i say? you’re a certified sex god,” jongin quips. “just don’t be seducing anyone else with your sex god charms, alright?”

in response, sehun picks up the beef steak with his fingers and shoves it into jongin’s mouth. he cackles with glee, slapping his knee with his clean hand.

“hey! what was that for?” jongin exclaims, letting the meat fall onto his plate. he grabs a napkin and wipes the stains from his face.

“a preview; you’d better get used to meat in your mouth. i can’t wait to experience _your_ brown chicken, brown cow,” sehun says suggestively, sliding his finger into his mouth. he licks off the sauce in the most provocative way possible.

jongin stares at sehun’s mouth, his own agape at the sight before him, and shifts uncomfortably in his chair. sehun releases a soft moan as he sucks on another finger, causing jongin to splutter. his arm shoots in the air and snaps his fingers. “junmyeon? minseok? can we get the cheque please?”

 

 

 

 


End file.
